Why does this saying get my goat?

The other day, I came across a saying that I had heard before, which annoyed me a little but this time I heard it, it annoyed me even more.

The saying was “happy wife, happy life.”

Before you jump on me and say, it’s only a saying, I will back up why I’m about to go on my rant. There is power in words and if you say things often enough, they gather momentum and lodge themselves in your mind and they can become a belief. Tell someone often enough that they are an idiot and they will start to believe it.

Now, onto my rant.

I decided to look within myself and find out why it annoyed me so much.

First of all, it implies that the man is taking responsibility for the woman’s happiness and that her happiness should take precedent over his own happiness. We cannot be responsible for someone’s happiness because that is too big a responsibility. Also, to put someone else’s happiness ahead of yours is not a healthy way to have a relationship structured.

Secondly, It implies that the man can actually control whether or not the woman is happy. He can’t control her happiness, any more than he can control her thoughts, her heart beating or the rate at which her nails grow. It’s a preposterous thought to believe that you can make someone happy. I should know, I had spent years trying to make someone else happy by sub-ordinating my own happiness. It didn’t work and in the end I just pissed myself off. Not good.

Thirdly, it disempowers the woman and says that she cannot control her happiness, it is only the man that can do that. This is a dangerous path to head down as women have had a hard enough time battling for the vote, the right to own property, equal pay etc. They need to take responsibility for their emotions, including their happiness, their anger and also the rest of their emotions.

Fourthly, There is one and only one person who can make you happy, and that is you. Men can tie themselves up in knots to try and make their wife happy, but if the woman is determined to be miserable, both end up in a miserable place.

Lastly, the best that anyone can do, is to create an environment where you can choose to be happy, sad, secure, joyful, challenged, frustrated, what ever you choose to feel and then be grateful that you have a partner capable of creating an environment where you have the ability to choose whatever emotion you want.

In case, you’re wondering, I am not responsible for my wife’s happiness and she is not responsible for mine. I wouldn’t put that much responsibility or stress on either of us. We are each responsible for our own happiness and we are doing pretty damn fine that way.

Anyway, maybe we could amend the saying to be “Wife that chooses to be happy, creates an environment for a happy life.”

Let me leave you with this thought; Choose your words carefully, both what you say out loud and what you say inside your head, because they can lead to happiness or misery. It’s your choice, as it’s always been.